The poem Unique Suicide relates to how I was feeling towards the end of the relationship.
I was isolated from everyone in my life and from the outside world. The abuse had escalated, my ex-perpetrator wanted to pimp me out. I realised that I was in danger, but I had no way of reaching out because nobody knew I was being abused.
I felt afraid, ashamed and that no-one would believe me. I had reached the end and already felt dead inside, so I saw no point in living. I thought that the only alternative was to end my life. I wanted to sink and never rise again.
Fantasies of death
Shameless thoughts sweep through my mind
Pain I feel unresolved Anger washed over me
My mind distorted
Lost in shadows of torment and pain
Savaged by confusion
Nothing worthy remains
Drowning in a sea of nothingness
Alive, afraid and destroyed
My mind is screaming in silence
Standing empty in this ocean
Trembling with fear
Nothing is what it seems
I am living deep inside this
Illusions make me want to hide
My mind, occupied with fear and death.
[Image description: An image of a woman sitting on the floor with her knees up to her chest. She has her arms crossed over her knees and her forehead resting on her arms, her face looking downwards.]