Why me?

This was written when I was recovering from being sexually assaulted by a taxi Driver, who I thought was someone I could trust. At the time I was in a relationship. Whilst I was having Counselling support, I became aware that the guy I in a relationship with was not treating me right. He also he drew me away from my family and friends.

Please, why me?
I feel thick, no good, no self esteem.
Making friends is hard.
Tablets here, tablets there, not nice to taste.
All upset and dressed, nowhere to go out, no one to take me…
I lost the love of my life who I pledged to marry
(Oh why leave me high and dry?)
He was getting ill. He needed his father’s support.
His father couldn’t let him go
He tried to fight for my love.
In the end it was not right.
He was a friend for 14 years-
Now no longer hear sight or sound.
I feel not good as I find love and it goes – like that.

This year is hard to deal with
I was assaulted sexually by a person all should trust.
I was assaulted by a man I loved and thought loved me back.
I was told by Victim Support he was doing the same but much more slyly.
So wrapped up in love and blinded with love was I.
I had to move back in with Mum and Dad.
How dare men take away my independence.
I had trouble staying in on my own,
How dare they.

Why do boys not want to stay with me?
Am I no good to stick with or give my life to?
Have I got ‘mug’ written on my forehead?
Back and neck ache sometimes
Why me?
I fall and hurt easily, why?
Why no GCSEs? Why me?
Why me special school?
(It gave me a better framework for learning)
I was bullied, why me?
I missed much of infant education, why me?
I had to be kept alive
(which was good) why me?

I had a good time at Woodlands
I made some friends
I met my first boyfriend James
The work was at my level
My fiancée was there as well.

All my life I feel like fighting,
So why don’t I lose this fight?

There are people worse off than me
Listen to those who love you
They’re doing it because they care;
‘Need to take tablets to keep yourself healthy’
‘Please listen to your womanly instinct’
Worse people off than me, that’s what I see
Friends dance and make it fun,
Not all have husbands and wives
So many must feel left out, not just me.
Accept me as me.
Keep the few friends you have.

With help from friends and family
I am learning to say to myself
That some men are no good for me.
I’m not going to let them go off with my self-respect.
No, I have fought this long
And I can fight more
With help from my family and friends
And God.

[Image description: The words ‘Why me?’ are written in chalk on a blackboard.]

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